so far, it has been a busy, busy life for me.
ever since i started working, i can barely breathe.
it was soo fast. every thing is.

ow well...except my master's research, which was a pain in the ASS. well, it was!
my mom always saying that my siblings all have the knack for studying, and achieving.
i mean, look it on my side, i was strugling to finish my post graduate studies for nothing,
except myself, and my parents.

i dun really know what make me choose to further into post graduate.
despite the hardship i had thru my undergraduate studies,
i was so determined to further it more. and more.

and now that i'm working, i know why.
i hate the thought of waking up early morning.
i hate the thought of having to face the busy streets, to and fro office.
i hate thinking that, im gonna have to be in my work place, from 9 am to at least 6 pm
every day, every single day for the rest of my life, or at least for another 30 years part of my life
i despise of the feeling of having to do things that i dun like
i despise the feeling that i have to do my best, every time, in every job, just
because it would effect my salary.!
and more...
I HATE THE THINKING OF WORKING, AND STILL NOT EARNING AS MUCH AS I WANT

and plus, now that i'm working, i can see myself going further, from being a mere executive,
to develop into expatriate, then even being good in whatever i'm working on.

still,

i have this things in my mind now, concerning my future.

such as;

. what would happen to my husband when i have to leave him, outstation somewhere?
. what would happen to my future kids, not having me around for them? at least for 10 hours during the day?
and only spend time with them at night, like for only few precious hours?
. and what happen when at night, i would be too tired for them?

you see?

i have been thinking abput this, over and over in my head,
everytime i go home after work, and see all the people, older than me, obviously married
and most of them having child/children...
made me thinking...how much they spend time with the family?
i myself being tired every day after work, but dun they?

and at times,
i'm so afraid.
afraid that i'll be like them, which i'm almost 100% assured.
and pity my future children, of having me as a mother.
as i know, being me, means being unpatient, sometimes temperamental, and maybe crazeee...

hiks!

but then, deep down, i know i'll be a good mother, as my own mom.
and i'll be a good wife, as my own mom, with her weird ways of showing it.
and i hopefully, praying that my hubby ( cross my fingers, shud be my current bf), will be a good husband
and father.

one day!

i shud stop dreaming sometimes rite??

:)